# General > General Chat >  the geezer club

## hayshaker

how old do you have tobe to join? do you have to have some malidies i got some of those too.
if i join do i get a free tube of liniment for joint pain or some preperation-H OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
i want to join the geezer club. hunter what's it all about?

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## natertot

I am much too young to have personal knowledge of this. Being that I work in a retirement community, I have discovered that the "ol' geezer club" isn't something that you join. You just look around one day and realize "crap, I'm there".

Although senior discounts and the Golden Coral do sound enticing!!!  :Wheelchair:

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## kyratshooter

You have to meet several prerequisites.

A heart attack gains you automatic admittance.  Each stint or balloon angioplasty gets extra points with the zipper chest giving max points over all with no other requirements needed. 

Getting up from bed to pee more than three times a night is also an automatic in.

Cataract surgery is an automatic in if combined with any of the other symptoms. 

If you have ever taken out your teeth to scare small children you are in.

And speaking of fear, it the last pregnancy scare in the family was one of your grand-daughters you are automatically in. 

You are also in if the old saying "I'm not as good as I once was, but I am as good once as I ever was" no longer applies.


Other symptoms are variable in value.

If you make noise when you sit down, stand up, or walk you get points.

If there is a set of points and a condenser for a small block Chevy in your tool box you get double points.  

If you ever owned a NEW vehicle with a ford 292 V8 you get triple points.

If you were in Viet Namn, or even if you were a draft dodger during Viet Namn you get points.

If you can not remember the name of your first wife's brother you get points.

If you can't remember your own name you get double points.

If the girl at the drive through window looks at you and automatically adjusts the computer to give you the senior discount you get points.

If you go to the Golden Corral to eat supper before 4pm to catch the Early Bird discount you get points.

If you have to remind yourself that Walmart and Kroger are now open all night you get points.

If you can't drive to either Walmart or Kroger after dark you get double points.

Now this list might expand at any time, and I think there is an upper Midwest list as well as my southern list.

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## hunter63

The way I see it .....
If you have been there and done that......because you had to...but now only do it because you want to...and only when you want to...and don't give a crap what anyone else thinks.......
You are a geezer.

When a younger person brags about pretty much normal stuff that you have done for many years and has lost the ..."Wow cool", factor....and you just think to your self... "proud of them selves aren't we...
You are a Geezer

Then can add "Dumas"...where needed.
You are a geezer.

Enjoy hearing about, seeing and listening to all the adventures, of all the new comers, and their children...and can understand their wonderment and accomplishment....and just feel  really good about it....
You are a geezer....

If you can hold a conversation with your buddy, and don't mind if he/she nods off for a while...in the middle of it....
You are a Geezer

If you go to Walmart, check out .22 shells....then retire to the Geezer bench, while DW shops....
You are a geezer
...and the cuties at the service get you a cup of coffee while you are waiting.....
You are a geezer.

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## Rick

The first time a really good looking girl calls you "sir" you qualify. When you look around to see who she's talking to and realize it really is you, you're in.

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## ClayPick

Lots of farting belongs on the list.

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## hayshaker

i get up with back pain in the moring and say to to myself i just got up then
realize oh yeah that's from yesterday harvesting wood.i say alot these days
ya know i remember when. saw a pot roast yesterday at walmart 16,59
i remember when a pot roast bigger than that was olny three dollars and change
and you could fill the trunk of a 69 impala for 70 bucks. sight aint what it used tobe
and had 2 surgeries on them. btw is youth wasted on the young damm skippy
i need that youth fer camping and humpin my ruck to and fro and fer chores as well.
aarp keeps sending me stuff to join an it just makes me feel old .

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## Mannlicher

I am not only a geezer, but I've been informed that I am also a curmudgeon.  I don't see this as a problem.  Other folks may disagree, but then I don't much care what they think in the first place.    :Laugh:

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## MrFixIt

> The first time a really good looking girl calls you "sir" you qualify. When you look around to see who she's talking to and realize it really is you, you're in.


Well, crap...

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## Rick

That happens too.

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## kyratshooter

I have actually been chatting up a nice looking woman, not a kid mind you, and had her eating out of the palm of my hand.

Then had her slip me her mother's phone number since she needed someone just like me!

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## hunter63

> I have actually been chatting up a nice looking woman, not a kid mind you, and had her eating out of the palm of my hand.
> 
> Then had her slip me her mother's phone number since she needed someone just like me!


Now that's funny, I don't care who you are........

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## kyratshooter

One of the greatest problems with being a geezer in modern times is that they can constantly repair your eyes.

You can get cataract surgery as an outpatient, laser surgery to give your 65 year old eyes the vision of a 20 year old and contact lenses to wear under your specs for magical optical powers.

And since men are visual critters we can now see what we do not need to be looking at until well into our eighties!

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## Wildthang

Two old geezers were talking one day and one of them said, I'm so tired of getting up at all hours of the night to pee and poop, its getting really old! The other old geezer bragged that he never ever has to pee and poop until 8:00 AM every morning. But! he said the only problem is that I never wake up before 9:00 AM!

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## hunter63

> Two old geezers were talking one day and one of them said, I'm so tired of getting up at all hours of the night to pee and poop, its getting really old! The other old geezer bragged that he never ever has to pee and poop until 8:00 AM every morning. But! he said the only problem is that I never wake up before 9:00 AM!


What's your point.....?....LOL

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## kyratshooter

Sorry, did I miss anything?

I had to go take a nap.

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## hunter63

Geezers are more concerned with meds than ammo........
.....and with only a 3 months supply, two years worth of food is mostly for your kids.....

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## WolfVanZandt

I grew up in a very different culture (southeastern US) than I'm in now (Midwest). It took some getting use to when, suddenly, young people were respectfully calling me "grandpa." Of course, my hiking attire of choice, overalls, doesn't help much. A very large proportion of people around here are from California.

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## Faiaoga

> The first time a really good looking girl calls you "sir" you qualify. When you look around to see who she's talking to and realize it really is you, you're in.


You know you are a geezer when the beautiful girl asks you to come over to her place for the afternoon.........because she and her husband are hosting a bible study group..  Somehow, bible study is not what I had in mind, but I will have to settle for what I can get :Devil2:

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## Wildthang

You know you are old if... you remember these Geezer Jokes
Geezer Jokes Source unknown.. 



You're not old UNLESS you can remember: 


Being sent to the drugstore to test vacuum tubes for the TV. 

When Kool-Aid was the only other drink for kids, other than milk and sodas. 

When it took five minutes for the TV to warm up. 

When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there. 

When nobody owned a pure-bred dog. 

When girls neither dated nor kissed until late high school, if then. 

When your mom wore nylons that came in two pieces. 

When you got your windshield cleaned, oil checked, and gas pumped, without asking, for free, every time. And you got trading stamps to boot! 

When laundry detergent had free glasses, dishes or towels hidden inside the box. 

When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him, or use him to carry groceries, and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it. 

When it was considered a great privilege to be taken out to dinner at a real restaurant with your parents. 

When they threatened to keep kids back a grade if they failed--and did! 

When being sent to the principal's office was nothing compared to the fate that awaited a misbehaving student at home. 

When women were called, "Mrs. John Smith," instead of their own name.

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## Old Professor

I was having a discussion with a young woman while I was Hospitalized a few weeks ago and being a "Geezer" really hit home, when she not only did not know what a Curmudgeon was, she had never heard the term and doubted it was a real word!! And I can remember all the things Wildthang listed.

When I was a child my GF sang this ditty to me, which my sister and I called the 'Geezer Song" 

 Oh' there was an old geezer and he had a wooden leg
 He never had tobacco but tobacco he would beg. 
 Said the first Old Geezer "Will you give me a chew?
 Said the second Old Geezer:" I'll be hanged if I do!"
 "Save up your money and hoard it like a fox
                                                                                                                                           And you'll always have tobaccy in your own tobacco box!"

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## madmax

Mannlicher and I are going on a Greezer roadtrip soon in the SE.  The nice things about a geezer roadtrip are...

a.  Nobody gets mad when you have to stop and pee AGAIN...ALREADY!
b.  Nobody teases you for eating oatmeal instead of bacon or Spam for breakfast.
c.  You KNOW there will be cracking, farts, and groans as you both bend over helping each other to set up your tents.
d.  You stop splitting firewood after the fire's going.  You just chunk another log on.  Too long?  Throw it on and burn it in half.  There... sized just right.
e.  As great as 2 weeks of camping is, when you get home you relish the comfort of you're own throne, shower, and bed... and are not afraid to admit it.

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## Rick

I took one of my grandsons to the range this week. He's 8. We were nearly there when he said, "Are we there yet?" I actually thought of this thread because I was thinking along the same lines. 61....8. About the same.

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## hunter63

If you can get 12-13 people sitting around a campfire for 2-3 hours, laughing talking, and comparing note....with not  cell phone in sight!........You might have a group or Geezers....

...and if at 8:30, all but 4 decide it's past bed time...and those 4 start cleaning up........For sure you are in a group of Geezers.

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## finallyME

Another criterion is that you have to have socks older than me.  :Smile:   I know most of you do.

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## hunter63

As far as an official "Geezer Club" goes...Y'all are on your own.

My signature has been for a while now......
"Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
 Evoking the 50 year old rule...
 First 50 years...cared about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much"

Pretty much means you can be #1 as well......or #437,.... only matters to you.
You worked hard to get here....don't really care what other might think at this point....

So enjoy it.

Actually I get a small amount of satisfaction at places that say theu have a "Senior Discount"....only to find that you have to be a member ot their "CLUB"...AARP or some insurance company...to get the discount.
I thought getting older was club enough.....so will loudly point out the difference...(What the heck, they already think you are just a crabby old guy)........THEN........

Take out your change purse and make exact change....and ask them to count it to be sure.......(if they can)
You know how forgetful us older folk are.

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## Winnie

> As far as an official "Geezer Club" goes...Y'all are on your own.
> 
> My signature has been for a while now......
> "Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
>  Evoking the 50 year old rule...
>  First 50 years...cared about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much"
> 
> Pretty much means you can be #1 as well......or #437,.... only matters to you.
> You worked hard to get here....don't really care what other might think at this point....
> ...


Oooo now that's got real mileage. Me likey!

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## Wise Old Owl

> The first time a really good looking girl calls you "sir" you qualify. When you look around to see who she's talking to and realize it really is you, you're in.


 ahh IMO the young girl who give's you a senior citizen discount when you clearly don't qualify... Priceless.

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## Wise Old Owl

> If you can get 12-13 people sitting around a campfire for 2-3 hours, laughing talking, and comparing note....with not  cell phone in sight!........You might have a group or Geezers....
> 
> ...and if at 8:30, all but 4 decide it's past bed time...and those 4 start cleaning up........For sure you are in a group of Geezers.


I see that every time I fire up Two and a Half Men... on Fox. Oh did you mean reality? My Bad,Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.

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## hunter63

Subject: : Seenagers ! 



I am a Seenager. (Senior teenager) 

I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later. 

I dont have to go to school or work. 

I get an allowance (social security). 

I have my own pad. 

I dont have a curfew. 

I have a drivers license and my own car. 

I have ID that gets me into bars and the Beer Store. 

The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant. 

And I dont have acne. 

Life is great 
!!

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## crashdive123

Too funny.

True though.

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## Faiaoga

You are a geezer if.......
you listened to Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Otis Redding when they were still alive
you drank Pepsi, 7-Up and Coke from cans that did not have pull tabs
your house had a land line and a rotary phone 
you wrote term papers on a typewriter that used a ribbon and carbon paper
you delivered newspapers on your  bicycle and rode the same bicycle to school
you used a slide rule for college physics and chemistry classes
you learned to SCUBA dive when there were no dive computers

any others from other old geezers?  :Devil2:

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## kyratshooter

I'm older than Jimi, Janice or Otis!
I drank Pepsi before they even put it in cans!
I can remember the debate over whether we needed one of the new fangled private telephone lines instead of our "party line".
I was a grown man the first time I laid eyes on a computer, and thought it was not worth having.
bicycle,  yep
slide rule,  yep 
scuba gear,  yep
Stay at home Mom,  Yep

And I also remember the family getting our FIRST TV !  My dad thought it was just a passing fad and waited until there were three channels available before making the purchase.  My mom was all for it since she had been running next door to watch The guiding Light for a year already.

I can even remember my Dad coming home after buying a brand new 1954 Studebaker!

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## Rick

> I dont have a curfew.




I don't have one either. Sadly, it makes no difference. I can't stay awake past anything that ends with P.M.

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## canid

Except that sometimes the license comes with it's own curfew.

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## Faiaoga

A true geezer is a person who watched Crusader Rabbit (supposed to be the first cartoon made specifically for television) on a TV that had  a rabbit ears antenna

A true geezer will have registered for classes, participated in the national census or done something else  using perforated IBM cards that you were not allowed to bend, fold, spindle or mutilate - extra points if you can explain how to "spindle" a piece of thin cardboard stock.  :Blush:

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## hunter63

I was called a "shotgun programmer" in a card based Fortran and Cobol programming class, in 1969.....but they excepted my credits in 2000 in a Windows based class.....(suggested I take it)...LOL

Shotgun programmers punched the cards up, put them in a deck, dumped into the machine ...."and let the machine sort out your mistakes....."
syntax error...syntax error.....LOL.
Thanks for the memories.......NOT

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## Faiaoga

Only a real geezer will remember postage stamps that had to be moistened before they would adhere to the envelope :dissolve: 

Only a real geezer will remember first class postage at five cents for the first ounce :Sleeping:

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## kyratshooter

How about postcards that cost a penny?

or being sent to the corner store with $1 to get bread and a half gallon of milk...

And bringing home 75 cents change?

Box of 50 22lr shells for 20 cents?

pack of 100 BBs for 5 cents?

Well, it is nearly 2pm and I have to get down to Golden Corral for the Early Bird special.   

You might be a geezer if you finish supper before 4PM!

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## chiggersngrits

A geezer wears extra floatation while on the water fearing if he goes overboard his adult diaper will drag him straight to the bottom.

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## hunter63

> A geezer wears extra floatation while on the water fearing if he goes overboard his adult diaper will drag him straight to the bottom.


Well, That.........Depends......
It's up, it's up....it's outa here....

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## Batch

I was talking to a co-worker in his late 60's today about our trucks and we started talking about our cars and trucks we had owned over the years.I asked when was the last time you had to push the gas petal to set the choke. He lit up with an "Oh Yeah!". He had forgotten all about that. Not to mention pulling it on from the dash.

Bonus points if you new how to use the choke on the dash to scare the bajeezus out of pedestrians when you drove by.

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## hunter63

You are not talking about shutting the key off in neural....choke it a bit to load up with gas....then hit the key....are you? 

Even better in you have a extra spark plug, to a model T coil screwed into the tail pipe.......then fire the exhaust......

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## Faiaoga

Some of us old geezers can remember seeing a neighborhood mailman walking around with his mailbag delivering letters, as shown in Norman Rockwqell paintings.  
Other old geezers can recall flagging down the Pony Express rider to post a letter.  :Arabia:

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## hunter63

> Some of us old geezers can remember seeing a neighborhood mailman walking around with his mailbag delivering letters, as shown in Norman Rockwqell paintings.  
> Other old geezers can recall flagging down the Pony Express rider to post a letter.


Saw a walk around mail man to day........with shorts....and wasn't fat.....

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## MrFixIt

> Well, That.........Depends......
> It's up, it's up....it's outa here....


Good one hunter!

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## Faiaoga

> Saw a walk around mail man to day........with shorts....and wasn't fat.....


 :Donatello: I am pleased to learn that you still see walkaround mailmen.  At first, I thought you might be remembering when you watered horses for the Pony Express :2:

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## hunter63

Funny you should mention that......
As our trips across the state of Wisconsin takes us through many smaller towns.....I used different routes to keep current on road construction and cool stuff for sale along the road....Many towns are old and have businesses...or at least the old building along the many rivers and main streets.

DW pointed out the garage doors ..on the second story in one small town.....Like why is that up there?

These were to load and unload wagons that were drawn by horses......but have been boarded up.

The two towns I am thinking about are tobacco warehouse locations....and these are being converted to town houses, and apartments....Actually very cool.

Tobacco is still grown and is currently hanging I noticed as we passed.

Maps and historical site list places like "Plank road, or Old Military road....and did see the logs from the "corduroy rods of years past...maybe 20 years ago as they were making the current 4 lane highway.

So yeah....wouldn't take much looking to find those way stations.
Many small towns were about 5-6 miles apart....or walking distance carrying stuff of pushing a cart.

Lots of Amish, so seeing many horse and buggies add to the feeling that we have all ventured to far for our past....in some places.
Hardware store has a hitching railing Soldiers Grove, WI.....

I have seen questions on forums....concerning "antique ammunition made in 1980", that some one got from his Grandfather, and wonders if it is still good....
Or as Rick (I think it was)  has said..."I have socks older than that...."

You might be a Geezer

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## hayshaker

i believe the reason towns were in the 5-7 mile spacing was due to that's how far a steam train could travel
on a load of water for the trains boiler.

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## 2dumb2kwit

A while back, I started looking for a chainsaw like I ran when I was younger.  They don't make them any more, so I decided I needed to find one before they all get used up.  It turns out that they are now considered "vintage" chainsaws, and there are people collecting them. 

 The good news is that I found one and bought it.

 The bad news is that those suckers are a lot heavier than I remember.

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## hunter63

> .................
>  The good news is that I found one and bought it.
> 
>  The bad news is that those suckers are a lot heavier than I remember.


If everything is heavier than you remember.....You might be  Geezer.

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## Batch

The town of Davie, FL here in Broward County had a "western" motif. It had a lot of cattle and horses. Back in the 1980's you couldn't put an illuminated sign on a store. I had to put a 30' long sandblasted wood sign for a Barnett Bank and we were required by the city to install hitching posts along with the sign.

The town has grown well pass the "town" name and they now allow illuminated signs and no longer require hitching posts.

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## hunter63

Some ons know....and sent me this.....

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards
70! How about past 80 or 90?

1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released
first.

3. No one expects you to run--anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat supper at 5 PM .

9. You can live without sex, but not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who
walks into the room.

13. You sing along with elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get much worse.

15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning
to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the
national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they
can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable
size.

19. You can't remember who sent you this list.

20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your
convenience.

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## hayshaker

i think i'm going to get youg again getting ols sucks getting up with back pain before
you even start chores. honest to goodness.

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## kyratshooter

You have to learn how to deal with it Hayshaker.

First thing is you have to take three Tylenol before you go to bed to kill the pain so you can go to sleep.

Then as soon as you wake up in the AM you wash down two Naproxen with your first cup of coffee.  

Then you limp around like the old guy from Laugh-In for an hour while you work the kinks out.

Then if you are real lucky you can walk normally until about 5pm, when you seek out the recliner and more naproxen to get you through the evening.

It sometimes makes me wish for the "good old days" when you could buy opium and morphine over the counter!  Us old folks are past "curing the problem rather than treating the symptoms".  There ain't no cure for a lifetime of stress and overwork.

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## hunter63

Had spaghetti tonight for dinner....so stopped to get some French bread, and a bottle of wine.....
Mary, (can you tell I go thru this check out a lot?) the check out lady asked,"Do you have an ID?".....

So could hardly wait to answer back.....( I have been saving this one.....Bhohahahaha)
"Do you want to know of I'm old enough to buy wine?....or to get the senior discount"

Yes, easily entertained.

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## crashdive123

She probably just wanted your address.  Gotta watch out for them stalkers.

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## Rick

Hey, he has a karaoke machine. She might have been a groupie.

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## kyratshooter

Had to be the karaoke machine!

That or the pickup truck, after all, it is Wisconsin.

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## hunter63

"Though it's cold and lonely in the deep dark night
I can see paradise by the dashboard light....."

Yeah, Karaoke is fun......Remember....
Lack of talent and good sense.... can be over come with enthusiasm and alcohol.

Not for everyone.

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## crashdive123

That must be it.  She likes Meatloaf.........and mashed taters.

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## Rick

Meatloaf the food not the musician.

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## hunter63

Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.

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## crashdive123

It's kicked in for most of us.  The problem is, we're of the age that we no longer care.

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## hunter63

This afternoon, I went over to the local Gander Mountain to get a small 9mm
handgun for home/personal protection.

When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip
down, facing me."

Now I'm thinking " "Now WTH?"
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos
running amok, I did just as she had instructed.

When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she
was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!!!

As an intelligent senior citizen, I do not get flustered often. But this
time, it took me a while to get my pants back on.

I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their
instructions to seniors a little more clear.



I still don't think I looked that bad!






Bazinga!

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## kyratshooter

OK I have met you and I am going to state the obvious.

Hunter, you look that bad with your clothes still on!

That poor girl probably saw you naked and joined the other team.

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## hunter63

Bhohahahahaha
You are right!

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## Rick

Been there. Done that. Took off the T shirt.

I was nearly there one time through TSA security. The gal said unbuckle your belt. With my hearing it could have been just about any command but I went for it. Luckily, what I heard is what she said. And just as luckily, my pants stayed up.

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## crashdive123

Just be glad your card didn't have that chip thingy and she said stick it in.   :Whistling:

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## hunter63

Stick what in...??????

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## crashdive123

The little chip reader thingy of course.

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## hunter63

Oooooooh, Thaaaaaaat.....Gotcha!

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## hunter63

Tips and musing.....

How to prepare Tofu:
1.  Throw it in the trash.
2.  Grill some Meat.

I just did a week's worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.

I don't mean to brag but......I finished my 14-day diet in 3 hours and 20 minutes.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Kids today don't know how easy they have it.  When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Senility has been a smooth transition for me.

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school?   Me neither.

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.

I learn something new every day. and forget 5 others.

A thief broke into my house last night......He started searching for money so I woke up and searched with him.

My dentist told me I need a crown.  I was like:  I KNOW, right?

I think I'll just put an "Out of Order" sticker on my forehead and call it a day.

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## crashdive123

Some of those hit kind of close to home.   :Whistling:

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## Rick

You could substitute Rick for I and still be correct on those.

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## hunter63

Yeah, I can relate to most......Like the Out of Order sticky on forehead.

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## hayshaker

well it's 9'20pm and i'm getting really nappy nappy i've read the first two parts, oh about oatmeal you can gum it
i think i'm gettin a condition readind all this.

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## hunter63

For those of my generation who do not and cannot comprehend why Facebook exists:  I am trying to make friends outside of Facebook 
while applying the same principles.

Therefore, every day I walk down the street and tell each passerby what I have eaten, how I feel at the moment, what I have done the 
night before, what I will do later, and with whom.

I give them pictures of my family, my dog, and of me gardening, taking things apart in the garage, watering the lawn, standing in front of 
landmarks, driving around town, having lunch, and doing what anybody and everybody does every day.

I also listen to their conversations, give them the "thumbs up"  and tell them I like them.

And It works just like Facebook. 

I already have four people following me:
two police officers, a private investigator, and a psychiatrist!

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## WalkingTree

aaaaaaaahhhhhahaha

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## Rick

My status: Happy  :drink: 

My friends:  :toomany: 

My friends when I stop buying rounds:

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## hunter63

If you are a Senior
you will understand this one.
If you deal with Seniors,
this should help you understand them
a little better,
And if you are not a Senior yet........
God willing, someday you will be.

The$2.99 Special

We went to breakfast at a restaurant
where the 'Seniors Special' was
two eggs, bacon, hash browns
and toast for $2.99.
'Sounds good,' my wife said,
'But I don't want the eggs.'



'Then, I'll have to charge you $3.49
because you're ordering a la carte,'
the waitress warned her.



'You mean I'd have to pay for
not taking the eggs?'
my wife asked incredulously.



'Yes!' stated the waitress.
'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.



'How do you want your eggs?'
the waitress asked.



'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied.



She took the two eggs home
and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!
We've been around
the block more than once!

Send this to the Seniors in your life.
I'm sure they'll appreciate it!

Even Non-Seniors will appreciate it!

Stolt from a E-mail I got today.....

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## Rick

Now that right there is funny...and just about true.

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## hunter63

MM used to go to the "All you can eat buffet" with zip locks....on Sundays...Didn't say "All you can eat Today"
Kind like grocery shopping for the week....

Was embarrassing....Like ...."Ma, I'll take you shopping, just stop it...."

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## Rick

I've posted this before but my wife's aunt saved ice cubes. USED ice cubes. She would rinse them off and toss them in the freezer. Those old folks raised during the depression and rationing of WWII saved everything. Mom always served two choices with every meal. Take it or leave it. God forbid if you didn't eat everything on your plate. Today I cringe when I see kids tossing half or even full meals in the trash.

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## crashdive123

That is pretty funny, and yes...............true.

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## madmax

I can't match wits with the geezers here. But when I went to the dentist for a chipped tooth and they came back with an estimate for 8 grand.  I sorta felt part of the tribe.  I didn't know my teeth were so rotten.  Sheesh!

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## Rick

I would have taken the 8 grand and kept the chipped tooth. But that's just me. My dentist has never offered me anything.

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## madmax

I already spent my allowance on a few bang bangs.  I have to go to "cosmetic" on the teeth... sigh... ask Crash.  he's seen my bad cap...

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## WalkingTree

> I've posted this before but my wife's aunt saved ice cubes. USED ice cubes. She would rinse them off and toss them in the freezer. Those old folks raised during the depression and rationing of WWII saved everything. Mom always served two choices with every meal. Take it or leave it. God forbid if you didn't eat everything on your plate. Today I cringe when I see kids tossing half or even full meals in the trash.


Advancement is great...but we sure are spoiled today. Lots of waste. No resourcefulness. No improvisation. No responsibility. It's almost even looked down upon.

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## Mischief

Getting up in the morning is as good as it can be, the rest of the day is just waiting to see if it will happen again tomorrow.

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## hunter63

It seems that our state...Wisconsin.....Does have a geezer specialist at the DOJ.

Got my CC carry permit renewal in the mail.....Easy Peasy..

Go to the web site..... Thus and such and enter in your information....OK
Then enter in your ID number and permit number....OK
Prove you are a human...funny little type in strange letters and numbers....OK
Press enter....Goes back to start.?????...WTH???

Start over...twice more....same thing......WTH?????

Call the number.....
Lady answers....explain my problem.....
She looks up my information....I had done stuff correctly .....
Then she says...."What browser are you using?
I say "What?"
She says, "Hold for a second...."
Second lady come on the line....(Geezer customer service)
She as me again what browser am I using.....
I say "What?"

She says, "Did you try Chrome?....it work better with Chrome"
I say, "No, I didn't even paint it"

Now I ask her "Why I have to change my machine to their way of doing stuff, because the "STATE" web site is messed up?"

Then she says, " Go to page so and so....and "Print the page", fill it out and send it in with a check......

I tell her my printer ink gets dried out, because I don't print that much anymore anyway....and I don't feel like spending $60 bucks for a new ink cartridge....to print the stupid page.....only to have it dry out again?

She says, "Well I could send you out the renewal form....you can fill that out and send it back with your check?"

So I said, "Yeah sounds good....Why in the heck didn't you just look up my age...You have all my information...figure out I'm a Geezer...and save us both a lot of time and money for stamps?.... As you sent me the letter anyway,.... telling me to use your website that doesn't work.........Maybe that it would have been smarter to START with that?

She says, "No Ship...I'll get that right out."

Sheesh...Geezer doesn't mean stupid.....

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## Desert Rat!

> I've posted this before but my wife's aunt saved ice cubes. USED ice cubes. She would rinse them off and toss them in the freezer. Those old folks raised during the depression and rationing of WWII saved everything. Mom always served two choices with every meal. Take it or leave it. God forbid if you didn't eat everything on your plate. Today I cringe when I see kids tossing half or even full meals in the trash.


I can remember my grandmother scraping the butter that was stuck to the paper wrapper off, you get about a teaspoon doing that she would also turn the milk bottles on end and let them drain for a few minutes, she didn't wast a thing.

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## WolfVanZandt

Hey, I still turn bottles over, but then, there are twenty-somethings in our House that noticed me doing it and exclaimed that they do the same thing.

My mother used to rinse out jars and freeze them into Popsicles. That worked okay for somethings like jellies and jams, but not so much for peanut butter and mayonnaise.

I get the idea that there's been a social drift from "My family isn't going to want for anything like my parents did," to "I'm not going to want for anything, period."

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## Rick

Now wait a minute. Turning bottles over the get the last little bit is just...well...just common sense. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

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## hunter63

Y'all have never seen me "Squeeze" an empty Crown Royal bottle...to get the last fume have you.....

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## crashdive123

Well yeah.  Anything less would be alcohol abuse.

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## Seniorman

That first joke brings back memories of this scene in _Five Easy Pieces_, staring Jack Nicholson.




S.M.

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## Desert Rat!

> That first joke brings back memories of this scene in _Five Easy Pieces_, staring Jack Nicholson.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> S.M.


gotta love Jack. :clap:

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## hunter63

Wise counsel......


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## Williepete

> Now wait a minute. Turning bottles over the get the last little bit is just...well...just common sense. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.


When I worked in a service station back during high school, mid fifties, after putting a quart of oil in a customers car, we would put it upside down in a funnel to drain into a can.

Bill

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## madmax

Not funny really,  but I found myself reading the obituaries yesterday.  If that's not a sure sign of a geezer...

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## Rick

Actually, there's nothing wrong with that until you read your own.

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## M118LR

Um, about teeth: you have to twist your ear prior to pulling them out for the "Little One's". Don't worry if the womenfolk whine about red eared kids.
About phones: If you never had to run to the Drug Store Booth to get on the party line. 
About videos: How many buttons where under the lighted dial on the radio?  How many of the channels can you still name? WOR etc. 
About entertainment: How much did the plates cost when Ma sent you to the Saturday Matinee? 
How many gallons of gas and a carton of cigarettes could you get for 2 Dollars? 
How many times do you have to return to the lazyboy before you remember what you went into the kitchen for?
How many times have you lost your glasses atop your head? 
Do you remember when an arcade had pinball machines? 
What about that shuffleboard bowling machine.
What about stick controlled hockey games? 
Clarabelle the cow, Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom, that thump on the back of your head that meant it was time to change to one of the other two channels?

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## Rick

Heck, we used to get our dishes and towels out of the soap box and toys out of the Cracker Jack box.

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## M118LR

> Heck, we used to get our dishes and towels out of the soap box and toys out of the Cracker Jack box.


How pure was that soap, and what was your prize? If you don't stop I might start singing what Charlie Say's, or blow my Oscar Meyer Whistle to stop you. (If you follow?) Still have my Charlie the Tuna Watch! Love that "Good & Plenty" and I might wish to be................

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## hunter63

At 18 years old.....
Gas .25 cents a gal
Shorty beers .25 cents...tall boys .35 cants
Smokes .25 cents a pack
Pool Table .25 cents a game
Juke Box .25 cents 3 plays.
Root beers .05 cents....big beers .10 cents
"New Mickey D's ...Burgers .15 cents.....

Working for the city as the hire in new guy....$1.25 per hour....
1966..........

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## M118LR

> At 18 years old.....
> Gas .25 cents a gal
> Shorty beers .25 cents...tall boys .35 cants
> Smokes .25 cents a pack
> Pool Table .25 cents a game
> Juke Box .25 cents 3 plays.
> Root beers .05 cents....big beers .10 cents
> "New Mickey D's ...Burgers .15 cents.....
> 
> ...


After 1966 working for MC Donald's  experience. Did I mention Mc D's made me an Assistant Manager at that time? My biggest mistake, not accepting shares of Mickey D's for a difference of 200 dollars a week vice 250 dollars a week salary.  Things we look back on without regret.

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## crashdive123

> Not funny really,  but I found myself reading the obituaries yesterday.  If that's not a sure sign of a geezer...


Just remember.............it is better to be seen than viewed.

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## M118LR

This weekend is teaching me about the difference between Grandpa & Geezer. 
Geezer's get to watch football, Grandpa's end up watching every Disney Movie!
I'd did get to toss a little geezer in: the terrorist (now 4 year old grandson) awakens and demands Popeye! Goody two shoes ( grand daughter that shall be 8 after the next Disney Trip) is a Woody Woodpecker fanatic. 
Seems that geezer cartoons from the 30's, 40's and 50's still work for the people I like most. (They call me Grandpa) 
But I'm also learning that I no longer possess the concentration required to chase Goody two shoes, the Terrorist, and 100 pounds of Lab/Dane mixed around the house while attempting to post. To those that suffered through my garble, once they invaded on Friday night,  I apologize. 

At least the VFW & Am Legion are still requesting my presence on the serving line for Veterans Day. Guess you officially make "Geezer" when either of those organizations request's your presence as one of the Honored (being served pancakes, grits, maybe even gruel) Guests. Although I've now made it to the 4 x 10 two sided day/night medical pill case! And my children ask me to hold cans of spray paint when they want them shaken-up. I'm sure I'm forgetting more "Geezerism's" than I'm expounding, but CRS is one of the symptoms. Thankfully you lose hearing and eyesight so Grandma is always young, beautiful, and intellectual. (?????) Perhaps this would be a good time for someone to include the "Man Song" video off U-Tube?

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## Seniorman

If you had a hamburger and 'shake here (or like joints) you're a definite geezer.








 :tabletalk:  

S.M.

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## hunter63

......."Kids give you cans of spray paint to hold when they need them shaken"..........
Bhohahahaha.....Hadn't heard that one yet....Thanks.

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## Rick

M118 - When I was younger I wondered why we had kids young before we were set in life. It seemed like a much better arrangement if we had them when we were older and better prepared financially. I have sense learned the foolishness of that thought. If I had waited I would forget when I put them.

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## pete lynch

> If you had a hamburger and 'shake here (or like joints) you're a definite geezer.
> 
> 
>  
> 
> S.M.


Well, lets see: Tastee Freeze, Gino's. Twin Kiss, A&W's, come to mind. I used to go to all those places. What are the Geezer Club age requirements again? I forgot.

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## hunter63

> Well, lets see: Tastee Freeze, Gino's. Twin Kiss, A&W's, come to mind. I used to go to all those places. What are the Geezer Club age requirements again? I forgot.


State of mind......Not age......
Can't move fast enough to get away from it ...so embrace it....means you can explain away stuff you do, or forget to do....
I like the "50 year old rule"
Geezer Squad....Charter Member #1
 Evoking the 50 year old rule...
 First 50 years...worried about the small stuff...second 50 years....Not so much


Had a intern at our factory, in his 20's .....when getting up, always  kinda groaned, ARRHH.....
He even said "I sound like my Grandpa"

.....and according to the UPS store....
Have to be a member of ARPP or Triple A to be a Geezer and get the Senior Discount(not)...it's a club discount.

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## Rick

I don't know. Geezer? Not a geezer? Depends.

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## hunter63

Not yet....I don't think.....?

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## M118LR

> I don't know. Geezer? Not a geezer? Depends.


So once you start wearing Depends, is that when you become an Official Geezer?

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## kyratshooter

I think the Depends come at about the end of official geezerhood.

At that point one is known as a "Poor Old Geezer".

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## Rick

P.O.G. is the sad phase of O.G. The good news we do have a very special, very select group of F.A.R.T.s. made up of only P.O.G.s They are the Senior Hearing Impaired Team. They actually do less than the F.A.R.T.s. but it takes longer to clean up after them.

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## hunter63

What?.........Can't "here" you....

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## Old Professor

When I was young, my GF used to bounce me on his foot & leg and sing the Geezer song. We always ask for the "Geezer " song.
It went like this:   Oh, there was an old Geezer and he had a Wooden Leg
                           And he never had Tobaccy but Tobaccy he would beg.
                           Said the first Old Geezer " Would you give me a chew?
                           Said the second Old Geezer " I'll be Hanged if I do!! "
                          " Save up your money and Hoard it like a fox
                           And you will always have Tobacy in your own tobacco box."

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## hunter63

OldPro..... like that one.....
GF smelled like pipe smoke, Prince Albert, Old Spice , and beer......and the "fishing jacket smelled like the dead minnows in the pockets.......LOL

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## pete lynch

> P.O.G. is the sad phase of O.G. The good news we do have a very special, very select group of F.A.R.T.s. made up of only P.O.G.s They are the Senior Hearing Impaired Team. They actually do less than the F.A.R.T.s. but it takes longer to clean up after them.



I heard that before the "Canoe Incident" the F.A.R.T.s were known as the Senior Hunting And Rowing Team? Which would explain the Depends. They can be dual-purposed as a emergency PFD. :Wheelchair:

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## Rick

Close. We were actually the Fast and Agile Rowing Team. But yeah. Here's an older vid of us practicing.

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## Desert Rat!

> When I worked in a service station back during high school, mid fifties, after putting a quart of oil in a customers car, we would put it upside down in a funnel to drain into a can.
> 
> Bill


 Copy that, my first job was in a gas station, I remember we ha a piece of rain gutter about five feet long attached to a wall at an angle it would drain 8-10 cans at a time, we always had spare oil when we needed it.

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