# Self Sufficiency/Living off the Land or Off the Grid > Gardening >  Gastronomic Quality Control

## Ken

It occurs to me that many of my friends here post recipies for all sorts of great food (smoked bacon, pulled pork, the list goes on) and that many of us will attempt to duplicate these recipies ourselves.

Nothing is worse than a failed recipe or one that doesn't live up to its expectations.  

In the spirit of true self-sacrifice, I hereby appoint myself Director of Gastronomic Quality Control for Wilderness Survival Forums.  Henceforth, a sample of at least 5 pounds or 1 gallon, as the case may be, of any food or drink item must be delivered to me at least one week in advance of the posting of a recipe.  Thereafter, I will submit my QC report as soon as the recipe is posted.  No, I don't expect any form of payment (other than your undying gratitude) for this service.

Please feel free to contact me for delivery information.

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## crashdive123

If this works I'm gonna be really PO'd that I didn't think of it. :Mad:

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## Ken

Crash, I now appoint you as my assistant.  

Hey everyone.  Crash gets 2 1/2 lbs. and 1/2 gallon.  Ship the same day as my shipment is sent out.

There.  Crash, I always take care of my friends.

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## bulrush

Ok Ken, I'll send you a gallon of my next Skullwhomper shine. It also removes fingernail polish for the woman.

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## Ken

> Ok Ken, I'll send you a gallon of my next Skullwhomper shine. It also removes fingernail polish for the woman.


Thanks!  Don't forget, Crash gets 1/2 gallon, too.

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## crashdive123

> Crash, I now appoint you as my assistant.  
> 
> Hey everyone.  Crash gets 2 1/2 lbs. and 1/2 gallon.  Ship the same day as my shipment is sent out.
> 
> There.  Crash, I always take care of my friends.


Yippie!!!!! (if you could see me now - I'm doing the Snoopy dance)

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## Ken

> Yippie!!!!! (if you could see me now - I'm doing the Snoopy dance)


Like this?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...L0lLDMBw&hl=en

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## crashdive123

That's the one. :Big Grin:  :Big Grin:

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## trax

Bulrush, how long should we wait for them to get back to us on that shine? I'm thinking at some point someone should call in the paramedics or the fire department, I dunno, or Dr. Phil.....

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## Rick

Has anyone told Ken about Free Traxistan?

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## Alpine_Sapper

I grow a lot of peppers, and I've been working on what to do with all these habanero's I have.  I'm think of making some triple-nuclear poppers with 'em. I'll send em for the QC, but I want video of you eating 'em.  :Smile:  And no pansy *** glass of milk allowed, either.  :EEK!:

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## Ken

> I grow a lot of peppers, and I've been working on what to do with all these habanero's I have.  I'm think of making some triple-nuclear poppers with 'em. I'll send em for the QC, but I want video of you eating 'em.  And no pansy *** glass of milk allowed, either.


Sorry, Sapper, but I eat Habanero's for breakfast.  Great salsa on eggs!  You send 'em and I'll post the video.  Remember, Crash gets some, too.  :Wink: 

BTW -- Orange juice or pineapple juice works much better than milk for those high Scoville situations your guests may encounter.

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## Ken

Crash, anyone contact you regarding your shipping address?

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## crashdive123

No.Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum. I fear that food is not on the way.

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## Ken

Well, we've got promises of shine and peppers.  Those guys can't be foolin!   :EEK!:   Let's just be patient

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## Sarge47

Sorry guys, I was reading this thread eating my 'shrooms but had finished them off before I got through it and don't have any left to send!(urp!) :EEK!:  :Roll Eyes (Sarcastic):   Bummer!!!  Well, there's always next year! :Wink:  :Big Grin:

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## crashdive123

Next year?!?!?!  What am I supposed to do until then< survive on shine and habanero's?  .......well I guess it could be worse (baluts and uni)

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## Ken

What kinda' 'shrooms?   Not the kind Stony's been using, I hope.

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## Ken

You know, Crash, there's gotta' be a way to find out where these guys keep their stashes and get Stony to take 'em away from them for us.

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## crashdive123

Yeah - about that....I think we should let him fend for himself (he seems to like it that way).  ......but ninja shetland ponies on the other hand....

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## Ken

Hmmmm.  I've heard of Ninja Polo ponies, but never about the Shetland ones.

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## Alpine_Sapper

> Sorry, Sapper, but I eat Habanero's for breakfast.  Great salsa on eggs!


Man, you ain't lying. San antonio is the breakfast taco capital (seems to be a specialized thing here. Other places have breakfast burritos. You can get breakfast tacos EVERYWHERE here, all day.) Some chorizo, bacon and egg tacos, couple of barbacoa tacos, some habanero salsa or verde sauce, a red eye (starbucks house coffee, black, w/ two shots of espresso added in) and I'm ready for work man.

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## Ken

Crash wants to know when we should expect the habanero poppers to arrive.

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## Alpine_Sapper

> Crash wants to know when we should expect the habanero poppers to arrive.


I'm still refining the recipe.  Last ones I made were, uh, a little to much for just about everyone, except me, but I've been a chili head since I learned to cook around age 6. Kinda tried to tell them I didn't make them for anyone but me, but did they listen? Noooooooooo... Heh. Wasn't nothing compared to the habanero candy I made though. Had to put that WAY up to keep the kiddo's from finding it.

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## catfish10101

I wonder what a gallon of pouldeau gumbo will smell like by the time it gets from Louisiana to Mass. LOL.
TALK ABOUT "GASTRONOMIC"!!!!

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## laughingbeetle

OOOF!!!  Well, it would make pretty good trout bait!  My Grandfather used to keep raw shrimp in a glass jar out in the sun.  When the shrimp were good and spoiled they were ready to be used as bait.  He always caught fish, but the STINK!!  :EEK!:

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## Ken

> I wonder what a gallon of pouldeau gumbo will smell like by the time it gets from Louisiana to Mass. LOL.
> TALK ABOUT "GASTRONOMIC"!!!!


That's the point:  What will it taste like?   :chair: 

1.   Cook up the gumbo.  No messin' around, here!

2.   Freeze the required sample.

3.   Ship it refrigerated express overnight with plenty of dry ice.

4.   Crash and I will perform our analysis and post our review.

Simple, huh? :Lol:

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## laughingbeetle

I will have to see if I can duplicate my Grandmothers freshwater chowder.  Leaks, potatos, freshwater mussels from the Oswegatchie River, crawdaddies from the same river, and fresh caught perch, bass, pike, walleye, whatever the fish of the day was. Add some fresh cream (Gram had dairy cows), and play with the spices...that was good stuff!!  Or I could just figure out how to send out some of the BBQ beef and beans that I have going in the crockpot right now... Man, I am getting hungry! Is it lunch time yet?  :Lol:

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## Ken

> I will have to see if I can duplicate my Grandmothers freshwater chowder.  Leaks, potatos, freshwater mussels from the Oswegatchie River, crawdaddies from the same river, and fresh caught perch, bass, pike, walleye, whatever the fish of the day was. Add some fresh cream (Gram had dairy cows), and play with the spices...that was good stuff!!  Or I could just figure out how to send out some of the BBQ beef and beans that I have going in the crockpot right now... Man, I am getting hungry! Is it lunch time yet?


THAT'S THE SPIRIT!

 :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:

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## crashdive123

> I will have to see if I can duplicate my Grandmothers freshwater chowder.  Leaks, potatos, freshwater mussels from the Oswegatchie River, crawdaddies from the same river, and fresh caught perch, bass, pike, walleye, whatever the fish of the day was. Add some fresh cream (Gram had dairy cows), and play with the spices...that was good stuff!!  Or I could just figure out how to send out some of the BBQ beef and beans that I have going in the crockpot right now... Man, I am getting hungry! Is it lunch time yet?


Sometimes it is tough to agonize over difficult decisions.  Ken and I hate to see our friends have to go through such a difficult time.  Therefore, in order to spare you the task of having to decide.....send both!  
Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.

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## laughingbeetle

A thought on dried beans. ( This probably should go to another thread...)  The dried beans take a really LONG time to cook.  They also require a fair amount of water to soften up in.  For anyone who is newly supplying themselves for long term survival, they might want to take into consideration the amount of water required for cooking before they go loading themselves up with a couple tons of beans.  However if you have an unlimited water supply , then you should be in good shape.  Just a thought.

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## laughingbeetle

> Sometimes it is tough to agonize over difficult decisions.  Ken and I hate to see our friends have to go through such a difficult time.  Therefore, in order to spare you the task of having to decide.....send both!  
> Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.


Do you guys ever get fed?!?!   :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:

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## Ken

> Do you guys ever get fed?!?!


No.  Never.  (Buuuuuurp.  Sorry, still stuffed from dinner last night.)

That's not the point here, Beetle.  This is a public service that Crash and I provide.  We are not motivated by selfish interests.   We're here to help YOU! :Smile:

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## laughingbeetle

Well, that could be of help with my diet.  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:   What are your feelings on split pea soup??

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## crashdive123

> No.  Never.  (Buuuuuurp.  Sorry, still stuffed from dinner last night.)
> 
>   We are not motivated by selfish interests.


We're not?  Oh yeah, that's right.  Yeah, yeah - this is an unselfish public service that we offer....yeah, that's the ticket!

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## Ken

> Well, that could be of help with my diet.   What are your feelings on split pea soup??


I LOVE SPLIT PEA SOUP!!!!    :Thumbup:   Do you use a hambone and make it with carrots, onions, and pieces of ham?   :munchies:

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## laughingbeetle

Yup, yup, and yup!!  Although I have been known to throw some bacon in the pan while I am sauteeing the onions...  GOOD STUFF!!

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## Ken

> GOOD STUFF!!


Crash and I will be the judges of that! :Lol:

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## laughingbeetle

:Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:  :Lol:

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## crashdive123

Welllll??? Guests can not see images in the messages. Please register in the forum.

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## canid

it occurrs to me that a QC departmental _coup d'etat_ would be as simple as sending improperly canned samples of my smoked trout...

"the quality control administration is dead"
*dons crown*
"long live the quality control administration"

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## crashdive123

No need to go through all of that trouble.  Subscriptions are available.

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## catfish10101

I didn't think anyone outside Louisiana knew what a pouldeau was. LOL......Or do you?

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## Ken

> I didn't think anyone outside Louisiana knew what a pouldeau was. LOL......Or do you?


Those little water chickens?

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## Ken

> it occurrs to me that a QC departmental _coup d'etat_ would be as simple as sending improperly canned samples of my smoked trout...
> 
> "the quality control administration is dead"
> *dons crown*
> "long live the quality control administration"


This is a highly professional organization.  We employ the highest safety practices.  It's not like we're just dealing with peanuts here, you know.  

So SEND THE TROUT!!!

Please include some sliced almonds with that, okay!  :Smile:

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